'P' is for...

Patience...always...
...and some observations:-

‘Probability’ is an amazing word. It is as effective a way to escape uncertainty as silence is to escape speaking lies. It adds such a positive ring to things. All the uncertainties in life are probabilities now! See, such a nice word.

Don’t discuss placements with parents’ esp. mother. After explaining for thirty minutes the placement process...my mom advises me to pick and drop companies as if I am an A+ IIM-A grad. Maybe it’s the right time for my parents to know my grades and come to terms with the fact that their off-spring is not exactly brilliant.

To know exactly what one wants and get it is superb...and rare. To know exactly what one wants and not get it is commonplace...and unfortunate. To not know what one wants...well doesn’t matter whether one gets it or not...one (and that will be me) will never know.

So, these days, when at every lunch or dinner table, people are discussing profiles or packages or some such things...my desire to become invisible has reached an all-time high. It touches zenith when someone asks me, “What profile are you looking for?” When they don’t get any response, they proceed, “Oh! Not to worry...Many finance companies coming...You are a finance major, right?” That is the point when my brain automatically goes on a stand-by.

One of my other favourite most-dreaded questions during interviews is, “What are your plans five years from now?” I have never been able to see the logic behind that question.

Talking of packages, how much money does one really need? To survive? To lead a comfortable existence? To be able to buy everything one wants? I don’t know...I have never been employed before. The only time I got money that I could call mine was my meager summer stipend. My imagination bought the world with that amount and my money could not buy my imagination (ok..ok..I will stop being philosophical). Well...the point is that some things will never be on sale. Majority of them, thankfully, can be bought with our CTC-inclusive pay-checks.

Meanwhile, the list of party-plans and we-will-do-this-after-placements is increasing at an alarming rate. Seriously, we were all sincerely studying throughout MBA and were waiting to get placed to finally have a party, no? Hmmm....every party need not need a reason but this reason is any day good enough to celebrate.

So, P is for........ Placement, patience, package, plans, party, parents, probability, philosophy, profile....am I missing something? Hmmm...let me think. Ya, did I mention seldom bouts of Pessimism that can strike even a die-hard optimist like me? No? Then let me tell you, a full chocolate bar consumed within a ten minute span is an effective fool-proof remedy.
After all, companies do not have upper weight limits as one of their selection criteria (really, what a horrendous idea!)

Prayer meeting

No, I am not obsessed with FD. Far from it! I just want to bury FD with all due respect. You see, it is a great subject taught by a great teacher, prescribed to all who want to study it. But then they should mention the contra-indications in the course outline. In some cases (like mine, of course), the side-effects can result in a disturbance of mental faculties.
Do you want to know what people like me do when they are mentally disturbed by FD?

They draw cartoons while trying study for the exam.



They tend to understand swaps in a different way.



They, like all great men in great difficulties, write poetry, when awaken from sleep during the class.



Then when they get their result, they shout with joy. They expected a zero because they had guessed all the answers but see, lady luck was on their side (You say what big deal...exam was out of 70 and I say psst....you are such a pessimist!)



Though one secret desire remains -- wish I could open up and check the brains of those 15 odd people who got full marks plus FD prof.--- I am sure they must have got some FD microchip installed.

People like me(including SW, of course) are so happy it is finally over!
Come on, let's bury the damned subject.
I have already said my prayers.

Flip!

They are planning to kill me....
Why do they give me so many choices?
Are not they aware that I am hyper – allergic to choices?
First year of MBA was cool – no electives = no choices
Second year, even compulsory courses are turned into electives... don’t they realize that the first thing they should teach is a course on choice management?
People like me don’t mind if life is thrust upon them.
Even if fate or circumstances offer us lemons...we know how to make the lemonade...but if you ask us to choose the lemons...then just trust us to choose the ripest ones.
After the Financial Derivatives disaster (it’s a very long story...), I am extra cautious.
So, I have decided to let the law of probability decide.

I called heads to stick to this elective in place of International finance.



Sadly or not ( and that I will let you know three months later)...it was tails.

The week that was...

Usually, the above titled posts are there on Saturdays or Sundays – when most people, recount their busy week schedules. But MBA isn’t your usual course. Here the weeks have no beginnings or ends. The concept of weekends is obsolete – you have exams/classes/presentations on your typical Sunday afternoons. The last two times when I went out to watch movies were on Monday nights rather than on your typical weekend. Weeks fly by before you can snap your fingers. Its like some roller coaster calendar...one term = twelve weeks = around 25 hours of classes per week and maybe another 5 hours of group work/free riding and movies to watch on LAN and going out with friends and ... The fourth term is about to end and I feel like I have come here yesterday. Seriously, where does all the time go?

Then, the other day, my sister tells me over the phone that she needs moral support to get past some stupid graduation mid-term exam. Excuse me! Moral Support! Have you ever had – in the past seven days – some four presentations plus some quizzes plus assignments plus projects plus got a shock of some finance marks(Talking of marks, I think ‘financial derivatives’ will be the final nail in the coffin of my Oh-I-Can-Do-Finance Illusion)? Dude, these mere mortal doing MBA NEED moral support!

If this isn’t enough, this term is spilling over the next term. So many term assignments are due beginning of the next term. We all love temporary short-term happiness, don’t we? The mantra is – If it isn’t due tomorrow morning, it should not be worked upon.

Then there are classes. Some are good, some bad and some OMG so boring. In good classes you get to learn some real life stuff like anger management and conflict resolution (need of the hour with all that despicable anonymous letter stuff flowing around). In bad classes, you keep on staring at the teacher like a deaf and mute, not understanding a bit of finance dialect he speaks.
And in the OMG so boring classes, you count.
e.g.
No. of tube lights in class = 104
No. of emergency tube lights = 2
No. of bulbs = 21
No. of ACs (that will freeze me to death some day) = 5
No. of smoke detectors = 10
No. of fans = 11
No. of white boards = 2
No. of chairs = 72...no 73......no......

Then when you lose count, you sleep.

I am gonna wear a helmet though...

I like reading Dilbert. Though the humour is subtle and mostly American-corporate-life centric, you can’t say that it does not make you smile once in a while.
Few days ago, I came across this strip. Earlier, I was a bit apprehensive when I decided to go in for marketing major.
Now, I think I won’t have much trouble getting a job.

Group work: There is Pepsi on my laptop...

This has to be written because if it wasn’t so chaotic, it would have been hilarious.

Day: Sunday
Time: 2:30 AM
Working on: An IB presentation due in about 12 hours
People present: Me, DK, SW are on bed. VG and SK are on chairs. We have finally settled down to work after bouts of chatting, orkutting, eating, etc.
(I mostly use initials of names to protect identities. As if there is a need for it. And as if that works.)
SW is working on my laptop (if it is possible to love an object...then I absolutely love my laptop).
Mistake #1: I ask for Pepsi. DK hands me a 2 liter- almost- full bottle.
Mistake #2: I, obviously hold the bottle in such a way that soon enough, Pepsi is on my laptop (OMG! PEPSI ON MY LAPTOP—time for me to freak out!), on the bed and not to forget, on SW

The following happens simultaneously.I jump up (imagine me doing that) and start shouting “Oh! My laptop!” innumerable times. DK starts insisting that she handed me the bottle the right way. SW is obviously very pissed because 1) She is drenched in Pepsi 2) People are paying more attention to the laptop than to her
SK and VG are so amused that they start rolling with laughter on their chairs.

There is so loud a decibel-burst in the room that we start getting messages from people living in far-away blocks telling us to stop making noise.

So, the scene after is tissues all over the room, a lot of talcum powder on mattresses, bed sheets on floor, and a lonely bottle of Pepsi standing in the corner( Of course we punish it because it is the culprit).
That we finally finished our ppt twelve hours later must be now quite believable.

PS: My laptop survived. So did SW.

You get what you deserve...

In most of the MIS classes, had I not been sleeping or daydreaming or doin

this

I might not have got D+ in end-term.
Hooray! First 'D'scored!
(Yes, I am a bit crazy!)

First 'A' remains elusive though.

I am confused...Hey move on...nothing new here

Q: Why am I doing an MBA?
A: Don't know

Q: What will I be specializing in?
A: Don't know(still)

Q: What are my long term and short term goals?
A: Don't know

Q: What are the two words I have known my entire life?
A: Don't know

But believe me, I wasn't born this way...that time I was very clear I wanted to be born...its just that I didn't know what to do after then...

The summer experience – Part 5

This one is in verse (worse?). Anyways, please bear with me.

It is over but it does not end
I don’t know why they follow this trend
To tie up this trainee in ‘its-a-policy’ fetters
Only because ‘6th June is last date’ is written on her letter

My report has been submitted and approved
My boss has even gone to Shanghai on a second honeymoon
And in spite of my creating such fuss and ado
They still have found no work which I can do

I go and sit and stare at walls everyday
And for all this commuting money I pay!
I feel I should scream aloud that its not fair
But sadly, nobody will notice even if I killed myself in my chair

Well, if a cash rich bank can’t pay stipend on time
I wonder how it manages to even lend a dime!
And for all that CSR shit these corporates do
‘Hey companies, Summer Trainees are PEOPLE too!’

The summer experience -- Part 4

My boss has neglected me for five days in a row. As if I am invisible ... he refuses to acknowledge me. And if I go to him myself this is usually what happens:

Boss (doing something on his laptop and doesn’t look up): “ Yes.”
I: “ Sir, I think I should go early today and consult some books.”
Boss (still looking at his laptop): “ Sit down, Soma, why are you standing?”
I (sit down): “ I was thinking of leaving early today and going to the library.”
Boss (looks up for a nano-second): “ Yes tell me how is your project progressing?”
I (sigh): “ Yes sir that’s what...I need to go to the library to consult some books for the project.”
The phone starts ringing and he talks for some minutes.
Boss: “ Yes Soma why do you want to go to hostel...you have a computer here.”
I: “ Yes sir...no sir.. I don’t want to go to the hostel I want to go to the library.”
Boss: “ Isn’t library in the hostel?”
I : “ No sir, they are quite far.”
Boss ( still engrossed in his laptop) : “ I think you need to be physically present in the office.”
I feel like screaming something weird like....yahoo! that means I can be mentally absent but say meekly, “Ok sir.”
Boss(now he looks up) : “ Yes, go to the library.”
I ( highly confused) : “ Well sir, you said just now...”
Boss: “ I am leaving on 26th May so you submit your report early.”
I: “ ????????”
Boss: “ Lets say May 20th”.
I : “ Very well sir.”


Meer must have had a boss like me when he wrote :

Patta-patta buta-buta haal hamara jaane hain
Jaane na jaane gul hi na jaane ...
...Baag to saara jaane hai

The summer experience -- Part 3

Well, this had to happen one day or the other. Somethings are just inevitable...and had it not been tragic, humiliating and embarrassing all rolled in one, it would certainly have been really funny.
Just picture this scene in your mind....
I was sitting at my desk and when I dozed off I neither remember nor could control.
After some time, I feel someone is tapping my shoulder...
I wake up with a start, only to find my boss standing on my head and asking in a sugary voice, “ Are you feeling alright?”
I was too groggy from my slumber to give an instant reply. All I could manage to do was to wipe the sleep drooling and sigh.
Soon, all the sugar in my boss’s voice crystallized and fell off for this is what ensued...

Boss: “ I want to see your project report immediately.”
[I mean, is he kidding me, there are 5 weeks left for summers to get over and he wants to see my project report right now! Is he crazy or what!]
Me: “ Sir, the report is in my laptop (an Ariel-white lie)
Boss: “ Show me something at least” and he walks off.
[Luckily, I had few pages of something ready so I went to his desk]
Boss: “ Were you sleeping?”
Oh! What a dumb question! Didn’t he see me sleeping just now?
I thought I would say that I was meditating to improve my efficiency at work but it would have been a bit suicidal.
I: “ Sorry sir, I dozed off.”
Boss: “ I hope you know that you are not supposed to do that at work.”
I: “ Yes sir! I am really sorry”

Well, if the truth was not treated as an excuse in the modern world, I could have told him that the reason I sleep at work is because I live in a hostel that is damn hot and I don’t get to sleep properly at night in the heat and mosquitoes.... But I let it be...

Well, so much for corporate life I guess...
And as for my summers, I have started counting the days with my fingers crossed.

PS: As revenge to all the cruelty meted out to me, I have decided to write all my summers experience (including this one) from the office comp.

The summer experience -- Part 2

Well, this is the first post I am writing from my office desk. And if you ask what exactly I have been doing since morning, I have no clue. The project is moving at snail’s pace because well, it is more of a snail than a project ( ok..ok...insanity has finally descended because of boredom). I am sick of listening to phone rings, office politics, auto-travel, sad food, my ultra cool guide, formal wear, ...et al. And at the end of the day, after enduring so much of torture, the learning that takes place is zero. Oh boy! Studies are so much simpler and much more fun!
Then again, I think that if I can’t take this, how will I be able to survive full-time job? Maybe if a genie appears and wants to grant me a wish, I will ask for my dream job

My dream job:

Well, it can be anything till it follows these rules:

No formal wear...at all. The quality of work is more important than wearing a tie I guess ( One Friday, my boss came in a casual T-shirt...he thought it was a Saturday...he went out bought a new formal shirt...wore it and then only started work...like...heights of craziness!). People should be allowed to wear anything...or nothing...as they please. There will be more color at the workplace rather than dull, somber blues and grays.

The Nap Room. Well, which mortal is there on earth that doesn’t feel a wee bit sleepy after lunch or anytime during the day? Research has proven that taking a short nap in the afternoon improves the efficiency of the people. So there should be a nap room lined with extra comforty cushioned couches for people to drop down whenever they feel sleepy. It will be better than cleaning sleep-droolings from the desk, I guess.

Music - the elixir of life. Music never disturbed anyone. In fact the way phone rings disturb, few employees can listen to music on headphones for better concentration.

Dancing. Though I was born with two left feet, I highly recommend this. After every couple of hours, people should be allowed to break into song and dance. This is a very good way of exercising and relaxes the whole body. Well, will be more effective than employee health insurance schemes, I betcha!

Some interaction/party once a week. Come on, we are people...remember we are supposed to be social animals...not robots glued to computers.

The summer experience -- part 1

Doesn’t the pic say it all or do I need to explain? Well, My summer training is a mix of finance and marketing, a trade-off between cool-environs-of-the-desk-job-but getting-extremely-bored and the-heat-of-field-visits-but-keeping-my-mind-alive. Anyways, ‘the summers’ as they say, has been pretty enlightening till now. It has made me realize a few things which I wasn’t really aware about:

Google does not provide answers to everything and even if it does, thank you, I don’t want to know every damn thing that goes around in this world. First day at office I google from 9 to 6, second day – same, third day…oh lets not even talk about it.

It doesn’t feel nice to sit idle when everyone around you is busy. Regardless of all the free rider tendencies I might have displayed in 'MIS prototype', its really bad sometimes when no one asks you to work.

I might migrate to Alaska after MBA and do glacier preservation or something. Really, the heat is killing in Delhi, the roads are long, traffic is wild, pollution is suffocating and if I have to take up a job in this city, I might as well as commit suicide than die a slow, painful death.

Talking of slow, painful deaths, even if the heat doesn’t kill me, formal wear will. Oh man! I wish I could wear jeans, t-shirt, floaters and my denim jacket to work every day. I don’t know much about corporate life but its dress code definitely sucks!

Well, I think I have made the glass sound all empty but hang on…there are a few droplets in there too:

The people are nice. My project guide is cool… too busy to take enough notice of me. He keeps on delegating me to other employees who are younger and I can relate to them better. They are eager to help me (may be they too want a break from their monotonous work too)

The environment is extremely professional. They have provided me with a desk, a computer, a phone and have made me sit among their employees. Sometimes, I feel I am one among them…other times, I just thank my stars that I am not.

Hmmm…so this is the story so far. The details of the next seven weeks will come at the end of the next seven weeks…only if I survive the next seven weeks.

RB

As mentioned in the last post, I wrote this poem(the only reason it does not look like one is because I was sleep-writing it) during one of MIS classes.

Monday morning
Half past ten
Struggling to keep awake
Trying hard to make notes
Can only hear the following:
RB: “Ok..ok..ok..ok..ok..ok..ok..ok..ok..ok..ok..ok..ok..
You know…you know…you know…
Let’s talk (pronounced taa-ak) about it...
You know…you know…you know…
He-he-he-he-he-he-he-he...
...ok..ok..ok..ok..ok..ok..ok..”
:
ad nauseum..
:
ad infinitum..

Talk about what?
I know what?
I guess I need Artificial Intelligence!

Nine months and counting...(Part-I)

Academics, for me, has never been a smooth ride. From schooling till graduation, I have been mostly lost, directionless in a maze. So when people said that the ‘MBA Bus’ is the best transport available, I hopped on. After much jostling, I was lucky enough to find a passenger seat. Nine months on, the bus has always felt overcrowded, there have been a lot of stampings and believe you me, I still don’t know where the bus is headed!
Well, in case you think I have been taking you on a ride, here is a list of things (that I was told) that were supposed to happen during these nine months but didn’t:

You be prepared for endless lack of sleep
Excuse me! I have never ever slept more in my life! I have slept during the power point presentations, boring guest lectures, useful class lectures, through the exam days and sometimes while writing the exams! Sometimes, I think the time I am awake is actually the time I am sleep walking. For insomniacs, I highly recommend sitting through some MBA classes.

You will learn a lot
Any enlightenment that was supposed to happen hasn’t descended upon me till now. In fact, I have felt my IQ slipping point by point during OM-2 classes, actually tore my hair in METP classes, yawned endlessly in BS classes, doodled during HRM and have written a poem on RB during MIS classes(will post it later). But since I will be an MBA ( come on, they can’t flunk me) and all MBA’s are assumed to know more than mere non-MBA mortals, I guess this won’t be a problem( God help my employer, though).

You will lose weight since you will be staying in a hostel
I have never felt more cheated. The living-in-hostel-weight-loss-program is highly overrated. I guess its high time they started a compulsory subject that requires 30 minutes of workout everyday ( and the more re-exams one gives, the more weight one loses ! wow! I won’t mind getting an F in this one).

For want of...

A random busy Saturday at college canteen( the evening snack menu on Saturdays is spring rolls– a highly coveted food product for those deprived of ‘good’ food).
Though oil oozes from it, we don’t mind as long as we are able to catch hold of it.
On this particular Saturday, I couldn’t.
Here is the event.

For want of the snacks the plate was lost.
For want of the plate the roll was lost.
For want of the roll the sauce was lost.
For want of the sauce the spoon was lost.
For want of the spoon the roll was lost.
For want of the snacks thirty minutes were lost.

Not to talk about the lost tea.
And ‘not-lost’ appetite.

Happy eating!